My Newest Journey of Self Discovery

Last week I embarked on a new journey to embrace who I am as a mother, wife and child of God.  I joined a group at our church called “Ministry of Moms Sharing” or MOMS for short.  It’s a nine week journey with weekly sessions and I am already so excited that I finally decided to do this.  It’s been something I’ve felt inclined to do for a while, but something always seemed to “get in the way”.  Honestly, I think that God knew that this was exactly the perfect time for me to begin this journey.  I shared in one of my previous posts, The Power of Girl Time, that I had lost contact with my closest friend and how important it is to have strong, like-minded women that you can connect with.

I consider myself to be an emotionally strong person, back in early December, I had a pretty low moment where I was feeling very much alone and isolated.  A friend of mine from church had reached out to me via Facebook the day before and invited me to be part of this ministry and it seemed that she really understood how I was feeling at that very moment.  I made the decision to attend and I am so happy that I did.

Last week was an introduction to the journey so tonight was our first real session.  As part of the preparation, we were asked to read and journal on the topic of self-esteem and self-acceptance.  This topic was incredibly difficult for me, especially considering that I’m not an overly emotional or reflective person by nature.  I literally spent a hour and a half reading just 17 pages and then writing about some of my most inner thoughts.  The first portion was sort of a self discovery of who I am and how I became who I am today.  It was really interesting to look back on my childhood and the process of becoming an adult and how that has shaped me into my current self.

The most interesting to me, was a section where I was asked to write about an important choice that I have made which has impacted my self-esteem.  This one was fairly easy for me to identify but requires a bit of background for those of you that don’t know me well (which may be many).  Growing up, I always struggled with self-esteem, especially throughout high school.  I was never part of the “popular” crowd.  Although I had a few close friends, to most I was nerdy and weird–an outsider.  I was not outgoing or pretty and I have always been the kind to “walk the straight and narrow”.

My second year of college, I met my now husband Andrew, and immediately fell in love with his brilliant intellect, caring nature and incredible work ethic.  We really made (and still make) a perfect pair.  We started dating in the spring of 1994 and I took him to meet my parents over the 4th of July weekend that year.  We drove back to school that evening and I remember very distinctly the phone call from my dad voicing his absolute disapproval of Andrew.  You see Andrew is bi-racial (black/white) and my dad, though I never felt to be racist, did not want his daughter dating a “black man”.  That evening, I stood up to my dad (for probably the first time in my life) because I knew that Andrew made me happy.

That was truly a defining event in my life.  I decided, at that moment, that I had to make decisions for my own well-being without regard to how others would view me, even my own family.  For the next 3 1/2 years, my relationship with Andrew was not discussed.  Part of that time, after graduating, I was living in my parents house while Andrew was attending grad school in Missouri.  I was not even allowed to use my parents phone to call him (that was before cell phones).  I would travel to visit my friend in nearby Lawrence just to spend time with Andrew when he would come into town.  It was extremely difficult and without a very close group of friends to confide in and re-affirm my choices, I’m not sure I would have persisted.

Just so you know, my family did come around and now they adore Andrew as much as I do. That moment, however, will forever be etched in my being as the moment I became “ME”.  I can honestly say that it was likely the best thing that my parents could have done to make me the strong, confident person I am today.  My purpose in telling this very personal story, is only to share how my experiences have shaped who I am and who I am becoming and to encourage you to take some time and reflect also.  I leave you with this very powerful psalm from Psalms of a Laywoman by Edwina Gately, VMM.

Called to Become

You are called to become
A perfect creation.
No one is called to become
Who you are called to be.
It does not matter
How short or tall
Or thick-set or slow
You may be.
It does not matter
Whether you sparkle with life
Or are silent as a still pool,
Whether you sing your song aloud
Or weep alone in darkness.
It does not matter
Whether you feel loved and admired
On unloved and alone
For you are called to become
A perfect creation.
No one’s shadow
Should cloud your becoming,
No one’s light
Should dispel your spark.
For the Lord delights in you
And encourages with gentle joy
Every movement of the Spirit
Within you.
Unique and loved you stand,
Beautiful or stunted in your growth
But never without hope and life.
For you are called to become
A perfect creation.
This becoming may be
Gentle or harsh,
Subtle or violent,
But it never ceases,
Never pauses or hesitates,
Only is -
Creative force -
Calling you
Calling you to become
A perfect creation.

Enjoy your journey and recognize that you are “a perfect creation”!

 

The Power of Girl Time

It has been over a year since my closest friend and I stopped talking.  The reasons for why are not entirely clear to me and I won’t bore you with the details of what happened to our relationship.  All I know, is that there is something wholly therapeutic about spending time with like-minded women.  I have a great group of female colleagues and several moms from church that I would consider friends, but no one that I really connect with.  There have been several times this past year when I have needed a little “girlfriend” time.

This past weekend, my beautiful and talented sister got the opportunity to hitch a ride with one of her friends who was traveling to Indy.  She is the wonderfully gifted artist behind FookaDesigns as well as a lover of nature and animals.  Unfortunately, because we live so far away and can’t really chat on the phone due to her hearing loss from Meniere’s disease we just don’t get to connect very often.  While she was here, we did a bit of shopping, had brunch on Saturday (when our scheduled photography class was cancelled) but mostly we just chatted.  Even though we lead very different lives–our challenges, victories, heartaches and joys are universal.  I truly wish that we could spend more time together–she is such a genuine person and I would be a better person if I could be more like her.

In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.  ~Author Unknown

I only hope that she enjoyed the visit as much as I did.  Love you to pieces sis!

6 Day Challenge!

Eating healthy is so hard.  I seem to go in cycles where I tend to be very disciplined, but then something will come up (birthday, holiday, etc) and I get de-railed.

Within the past few years I’ve tried many things–counting calories, watching fat intake, paleo and juicing.  By far the easiest to reasonably maintain is paleo.  And I’ve got to tell you that, while it’s still tough, I feel the best when I eat that way which to me is the best indicator that it’s working.  You see I don’t see myself as overweight at all–just not as healthy as I want to be and of course we all have our “problem areas” right?

As for most people, mid-November through the end of the year tends to be extremely challenging for me to eat healthy.  In fact, I had pretty much given myself permission to just eat whatever and start over in January.  The only problem is that I started to feel like crud.  One evening after making Christmas goodies with the kids (and eating a few) I just felt awful.  Plus, my clothes were already fitting tight and it wasn’t even mid December yet.

So on Sunday this week I decided to do something about it–a six day cleanse.  Fruits and veggies only for 4 days then 2 days of juice only.  I would have done 3 & 3 but we had a team lunch and I couldn’t bear to watch everyone eat delicious italian food and drink juice–so I had a salad (with a tiny bit of olive oil & vinegar for dressing).  Today is my first juice only day and we’ll see how it goes–wish me luck and mostly discipline!

By the way, I am going to enjoy my Christmas holiday with all the normal yummies, but I’m committed to doing another cleanse in January and start the year off right!

Merry Christmas and a Healthy 2012 for you and your loved ones!

 

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey – Fully Charged: A Review

This is the first year that we attended the circus on opening night–it was my husband and I, our 7 year twins, their 7 year neighbor friend plus our 4 year old so we had a big crew.  We had told each of the kids that they could get one snack each and of course they wanted them right when we got there–when the lines are crazy long so I missed the first couple of minutes of the show getting popcorn.

It started off with the juggling acts directly in front of us.  I’m always amazed at what these performers can do and the number of disks/pins that they can keep in the air.  Next, was the equestrian acts and I have to say I wasn’t overly impressed with this portion.   The horses directly in front of us didn’t seem to be cooperating with their trainer (they must be 7 year olds–LOL!)  The rest of the performances were absolutely amazing and did not disappoint!

The tightrope act was one of my favorites–the way they balance is truly awesome to watch!  Our neighbor was really enjoying all the clown acts and I’ve got to say they are fun to watch for kids and adults alike.  My husband’s favorite was the spinning pendulums–I think the official name is the “Twin Turbines of Steel”.

After intermission, the tiger act sure kept me on my toes–I don’t know if it’s part of the act but there were a few times when the tigers roared and seemed to be rebelling.  My biggest fear would be to see those tigers attack the trainer during the performance–I don’t think I could ever recover from watching something like that and would hate to think how it might affect my kids.

I didn’t know it at the time, as my husband and I were separated by 4 kids, but my little guy was done by this time.  It was of course bedtime and even the fun of the circus can’t keep a tired four year old from getting crabby.  The evening ended with some amazing gymnastics that my daughter was entranced with being a budding gymnast herself.  The number of flips these guys could do in a row was incredible.  The human cannon added an extra element to the act when they set the guy on fire before launching him into the air.

Overall, it was a fantastic experience–the kids really had a good time and so did the adults.  I do think that choosing a time that didn’t extend past bedtime would be a better option for the younger ones.  If you have a chance to go I would definitely recommend it!

This year I am excited to be participating as a Feld Family Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts in attending shows and reporting my opinion within this blog, as well as keeping you advised of the latest discount offers, Feld Entertainment has provided me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows and opportunities to attend private Feld pre-Show events.  Even though I receive these benefits, I will always give an opinion that is 100% my own.

Welcome to THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH!

1920 Poster

“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHILDREN OF ALL AGES! WELCOME TO THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH!“

With our annual family tradition of attending the circus, I started thinking about my recent getaway with Andrew where we visited the Cincinnati Art Museum.  They had an exhibit showcasing the history of the circus poster.   It was very intriguing to see the evolution of the posters and the featured acts on each.  I think the two of us must have spent a couple of hours walking through reading the history and admiring the various posters they had on display.

I was especially fascinated by the stories of how the different shows would eventually merge like when  P.T. Barnum and James Anthony Bailey formed their partnership in 1881 and then a year after Bailey’s death in 1906 the Ringling Bros acquired Barnum & Bailey.  Later, in 1919, they combined their shows under the current branding of Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey (see the poster at the right).

If you a bit weird like me and you’re interested in learning more, there’s a great resource Circopedia where you can learn about the history of the circus starting in the 1700′s.  If not, you can just make your way to the show this week and experience the circus in it’s modern glory.

The show runs from December 1-4 at Conseco Fieldhouse and here is the full schedule of performances:

• Thu, Dec 1 at 10:30AM & 7:00PM
• Fri, Dec 2 at 7:00PM
• Sat, Dec 3 at 11:00AM, 3:00PM & 7:00PM
• Sun, Dec 4 at 1:00PM & 5:00PM

Need an extra incentive?  Save $4 on each ticket when purchasing through Ticketmaster with the code: 11MOMFC.  The discount is valid for any Ringling Bros and Barnum and Bailey performance (Offer not valid on Circus Celebrity, Front Row, or VIP Tickets).

This year I am excited to be participating as a Feld Family Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts in attending shows and reporting my opinion within this blog, as well as keeping you advised of the latest discount offers, Feld Entertainment has provided me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows and opportunities to attend private Feld pre-Show events.  Even though I receive these benefits, I will always give an opinion that is 100% my own.

Family Traditions

I just love creating family traditions, and one of my favorites is attending “The Greatest Show on Earth” each fall.  In fact, my youngest son attended his first Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey show when he was just days old.  This year Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey presents Fully Charged and it looks to be a show with tons of high-voltage fun.   This year we are lucky enough to be attending the opening night on December 1st.  The show runs from December 1-4 at Conseco Fieldhouse and here is the full schedule of performances:

• Thu, Dec 1 at 10:30AM & 7:00PM
• Fri, Dec 2 at 7:00PM
• Sat, Dec 3 at 11:00AM, 3:00PM & 7:00PM
• Sun, Dec 4 at 1:00PM & 5:00PM

If you and your family would like to check out the show this year, I have access to A SPECIAL DISCOUNT OFFER!  There is a great coloring page for the kids too – Print the coloring page here.

Save $4 on the performance of your choice by logging onto www.ticketmaster.com and use the code: 11MOMFC in the “Advance or Promotion Ticket Selection”.  The discount is valid for any Ringling Bros and Barnum and Bailey performance (Offer not valid on Circus Celebrity, Front Row, or VIP Tickets).

This year I am excited to be participating as a Feld Family Ambassador, and in exchange for my time and efforts in attending shows and reporting my opinion within this blog, as well as keeping you advised of the latest discount offers, Feld Entertainment has provided me with complimentary tickets to Feld shows and opportunities to attend private Feld pre-Show events.  Even though I receive these benefits, I will always give an opinion that is 100% my own.

Are you a Winner or a Loser?

Denis Waitley said “Losers make promises they often break. Winners make commitments they always keep” I am a big believer in setting expectations and thus in making commitments. I love being in sales because the expectations are usually pretty clearly defined ahead of time. There is no guesswork involved–hit your number and you get the reward (bonus, accolades, promotion, etc). Don’t hit your number and you are subject to some type of negative consequence. While not always easy, it is most certainly a simple concept.

I set expectations and commitments with my children too. Expectations for grades, chores, behavior, daily agenda, the list goes on and on. The commitment for good grades is that they get $1 for each “B” and $2 for each “A” on their report cards. This makes the daily act of homework a much less stressful both for themselves and for me. Chores in our household, are designed more as a lesson in life than a means to get “real work” accomplished–cause lets face it–doing yourself it most often the easier route. We have a master list of common chores and a commission value for each. When I ask the kids to do a chore, they get one chance to earn the commission. If I ask them again, they still get to do the chore but without pay.

Another lesson, I learned very early on in motherhood (if you’re a parent, you know too) is to never, ever tell a kid your going to do something, go somewhere if you are not 100% confident that it is going to happen. My husband and I often will not tell the kids we are going somewhere until we are already in route. My promises are gold–if I say we are going to do something fun, we will do it; if I say you will be punished for a bad behavior, they same rule applies.

As you might have guessed by now, commitments and promises are pretty important to me. So why is it that other people don’t have the same understanding of commitment? Recently, I have been disenchanted by others’ lack of commitment. People who I have considered to be very close friends completely falling short on their promises. Please, don’t tell me you will do something if you aren’t going to! Now, I’m am not perfect – by any stretch of the imagination. But if I tell you I will do something, there’s a 98% chance it will happen, and most likely prior to the time frame I promised. Norman Vincent Peale once said that “Promises are like crying babies in a theater, they should be carried out at once” Now, go do what you said you were going to do!

My December Challenge: 150 Things to be Grateful For

As a daily reminder of the true meaning of Christmas and the blessings that God has given to me, I will be posting (via FB/twitter/blog) at least 5 things that I am thankful for every day of December. So as I sit here waiting for my kids at choir practice, I decided to start with whatever comes to mind at this very moment (in no particular order):

• Sirius Radio Classic Christmas channel and Pandora radio
• All 3 of my kids are relatively healthy
• My husband is still crazy about me even after 12 years of marriage
• Both my husband & I have jobs that we love going to every day
• Being debt free (except the mortgage)
• Online shopping for Christmas presents
• Being able to send my kids to a Blue Ribbon Catholic school
• Snow on the first day of December
• 45 minutes every Wednesday to be “alone”
• Date Nights
• Monthly Girls Night Outs
• Netflix and DVR’s
• Sweaters, boots, hot cocoa and a fire in the fireplace
• That my baby boy at 3yo still requests me to cradle him and sing “Rock a bye baby”

There are so many more things that God has blessed me with that I cannot possibly list them all. I hope that you and your family have as many blessings too—especially during Christmas.

Fall Reorganization: The never ending projects

If you ask my neighbor–she would tell you that we are constantly undergoing a house related project at least every other weekend.  Our latest kick has been trying to bring some order to our crazy house.  I think I have tried just about everything wthen it comes to keeping a tidy, organized house.  The fact is with 3 kids all under the age of 7 it’s tough.  My husband and I have been on a recent organizational frenzy starting back at the end of August.

First we made multiple trips to IKEA in Cincinatti.  The first trip was to get some unit to organize the kids art stuff.  I want the kids to have easy access to their crayons, markers, playdoh, etc. but it just gets out of control so quickly.  I’ve had shelves with baskets for a while but even those got to be chaotic within a week or so.  So we picked up these two units about 6 feet tall with slide out plastic buckets in a variety of colors and I printed out descriptions for each bucket and taped them on with clear packing tape.  Well it’s been about 6 weeks now and I have to say that it seems to be doing the trick.

Our second (and ultimately 3rd) trips to IKEA were to organize our kitchen area.  Because of our growing food needs our kitchen cabinets were overloaded and the countertops were unaccessable.  New canisters and a brand new freestanding pantry turned our clutter into a beautifully organized and functional kitchen.  No more stacks of Propel cartons and juice boxes on the floor.  Everything has a place and it has made preparing dinner an enjoyable experience again (okay almost enjoyable).

Then, in September we decided to tackle the kids bathroom upstairs.  Well, this project was less about organizing and more about changing the scenery.  In one evening we repainted the entire bathroom and took it from a disgusting dirty white to a very nice medium green to match our shower curtain.  It is amazing what a little paint can do.

Our most recent project was the laundry room.  We do a really good job of keeping up with washing and drying clothes (usually 1-2 loads per day) but the challenge is in folding, hanging and putting away the clean laundry.  I hate to admit, but I am the queen of having several baskets full of clean, wrinkled clothes that I can fluff and grab what I need for that day.  When I do manage to get things folded they often sit in baskets for a week or more until we get sick of looking at it and spend an entire Saturday morning getting caught up again.  So, my idea was to have a place to hang and fold right there in the laundry room so at least the clothes will come out of the baskets and I don’t end up fluffing the same load of clean clothes 4 times before it’s put away.  So off to Lowe’s I went to buy a Rubbermaid “Home Enhanced” adjustable closet system.  I gotta tell you, it doesn’t make hanging and folding any more appealing but at least the process seems to be a bit simpler.  Oh, and we painted the room and beautiful grey color before we put up the system.

I wish I had taken some before and after pictures of all of our projects because I really feel like it has made a big difference in my overall level of peace.  And that is always good for a working mom of 3.  Who knows what the next project will be–there are enough to keep us busy for the next few years I’m sure but I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

Searching for your New Job

I know there are a lot of moms out there that are looking for work—either because you are just entering the job market, you have lost your job for one reason or another or like myself because you want to find a more suitable career.  In my recent job search I learned some things and wanted to pass along my findings to any of you out there who are also searching.

The first step in your job search is to identify what type of job you want.  For me this was the biggest challenge.  I knew what I was good at—but what would I enjoy?  I was currently in print & online advertising sales for Yellowbook for the past 5 years, I had been in sales management at Enterprise for about 5 years prior to that and taught high school science for 3 years after graduating.  I loved being in sales because I like having the ability to control my paycheck through my performance but I also enjoyed teaching.  I have a passion for helping people and my selling style is very much that of a consultative approach.  I am also a bit of a tech geek and I love the digital world.  After reading 48 Days to the Work you Love and a lot of prayer and reflection, I realized that selling digital marketing was probably the best fit for me.

Once you figure out what you want to do, the next step is to create your resume based on your ideal job. Now creating a resume can be fairly daunting especially considering that it is the first impression that potential employers will have of you.  If haven’t been keeping an updated resume—which by the way you should definitely do, then pulling together all of your information will take some time.  Fortunately there are a lot of resources out there to help you create the perfect resume for your situation—whether that requires an industry specific resume, a resume designed for changing careers, a re-entering the workplace resume or really whatever you need.  My resume needed to be rewritten to focus more heavily on my skills and interests rather than my experience since I was looking to get into an industry that was different than my past positions.

Once you have your resume created then you need to begin sending it out.  No longer are the days of finding a job in the newspaper—there are so many places where jobs are being posted online and it’s tough to weed through the good opportunities from the bad.  Rather than relying on sites like Monster.com or CareerBuilder.com, my approach was to seek out companies that were involved in digital/social marketing in the Indy area and to submit my resume regardless of whether they had job postings listed.  Luckily, one of the best digital marketing companies—ExactTarget is headquartered right here in Indianapolis.  I even knew a few folks that were employed there, so I submitted my resume through their website and followed up the next day with one of my contacts there to provide some additional influence.

Hopefully after submitting your resume you will begin the interview process.  Every company is different but it’s pretty standard to have multiple interviews.  My first interview was by phone with someone in human resources.  One luxury that I had was that I was still employed and therefore I could really do some research to determine if the company was as good a fit for me as I was for them.  This was really important to me because for quite a while I had felt that I just wasn’t doing what God had planned for me.  Researching the companies you are interviewing with shows potential employers that you are truly interested in their business and not just looking for any job that comes along.

As any salesperson knows, asking for the “sale” (aka the job, the next interview) is critical.  Too many times I hear of interviewees that don’t want to bother the company by being too pushy.  The fact is that most employers want someone who can close the deal.  Even if you are not in a sales position, every role within a company has an element of selling—whether you are client facing or not.

For me, the next step in the interview process was an in-person interview with the 3 sales directors.  By this time I had done some pretty extensive research on the company using resources like LinkedIn, searching Google for competitors and how ExactTarget compared as well as looking at comments on sites like Glassdoor.com that allows current and past employees to post about their experiences/salary etc.  It’s important to remember common courtesies like sending a thank you note after an interview.  These days it is perfectly acceptable to send a thank you through email but many candidates will still send a personal note.  Since I was interviewing for an email marketing company—I chose to use email.

I knew that prior to an offer that they would require a 3^rd and final interview.  I was pretty anxious about this next step because by this time I was pretty confident that ExactTarget was a great fit for me and they were starting the next training class in just a few weeks.  The problem was that I had already planned to go out of town on vacation just a few days later, so I informed the hiring managers that I would only be able to come in for a final interview when I returned.  Well, I did not hear anything the entire time I was out of town and I was almost sure that they had chosen another candidate.  When I got back into town I emailed all the individuals that I had interviewed with to follow up.  I was informed that before the next step that I would need to take an online assessment.

I absolutely despise online personality assessments.  As I mentioned before, my sales approach is more consultative and I do not fall into a typical sales personality.  I completed the assessment and although I second-guessed every answer I gave.  I submitted the assessment and then I waited.  I thought for sure that this was the end of the road for me but I followed up a few days later and as you may have figured out—I was called in for that final interview.  One of the first questions of course was about the personality assessment—I remember thinking at that time of my dear friend Tina.  When I started at Yellowbook (before we became BFF’s), Tina predicted based on her initial view of my personality that I wouldn’t make it even one month.  Well, I did and in fact I was a top performer for most of my 5 years there.

The good news is that I did in fact get the job offer that day and resigned my position at Yellowbook to accept this position the very next day.  While I felt compelled to give Yellowbook a two week notice, I quickly discovered that giving notice is really no longer necessary or even expected.  The day I gave notice was my last day of employment and the last day I received benefits and pay.  Now it certainly wasn’t what I was expecting to have 2 weeks off, but it did allow me to spend some quality time with my kids before I started my new job and the kids went back to school.

Now I know that my experience is probably not typical.  I only interviewed with the one company I was most interested in so I am very fortunate.  If you are beginning your search or have been searching for a while I wish you the best.  I know that the process can be overwhelming and can put a strain on your emotional well being if it drags on.  Just trust that you will find the right job—even if you don’t know what that job is yet.